And I've just hit that wall of realization. The realization that I am moving away from my friends and family and moving on with my life. I do know that increasing the physical distance between two people does not necessarily cause minds to drift apart, but it definitely doesn't help.
As my years back at home are now coming to a close, I'd like to take some time to reflect on some of the moments that helped me grow this year.
I've never truly had a taste of real life. I've worked the grind, but I've always had my parents to fall back on when I mess things up. I've been living at home since November 2009 and things have been pretty easy for me. I worked at the liquor store for a few months before I decided to quit on account of becoming an alcoholic. I may not have a been an alcoholic like you read about, but I certainly fell into a routine of drinking more often than I found acceptable. On top of that, breaking out with shingles was a big sign that I was too stressed out (on account of some things that were beyond my control) and I needed to take a step back. So while I'm fortunate that I have my parents to fall back on, I never really resolved some of the issues that still haunt me; what if I can't handle that little slice of the real world again?
It was a huge wake up call. I needed to get things together. My time with Nicole in Europe made me realize many things about myself that needed adjustment. Upon my return back home, I made an effort to go back to school. I had already tried this several times and failed, so I was immensely surprised with the level of motivation and perseverance I exhibited. I honestly wasn't certain that it would last even a quarter, but here I am three quarters later and I've consolidated my shortcomings and created a new purpose in my life.
On top of my personal academic achievements, I have finally reached a point in my life where I feel comfortable and confident with my own body. I've been a fat kid all my life, and that mentality alone was holding me back. I believe my efforts to get healthy were sparked when Nicole told me I had a strong heart, and I began to gain the awareness and mindfulness necessary to live a healthier life. I've had many other friends validate my goals along the way, and I realize that this tool I've created will be one of the most useful in my life. Regular exercise has allowed me to think clearly and remove poison from my body, both mental and physical. The results have been stellar, although I've resolved to never weigh myself again. Happiness does not weigh anything, after all.
I am grateful for these gifts you, my friends, have given me. You know who you are. You have all given me this unique confidence and I channel your spirits every day. And the most beautiful realization is that these are not my gifts to keep. I get to give them out again at my discretion.
I don't mean to gloat, but I didn't think I could do half the things I endeavored to. I don't even feel like myself right now. I'm standing outside of my body pointing at this strange individual -- Who is that? I've been so inconsistent and fickle my entire life, and I still don't really know what's in store for me. All I know is that I'm slowly equipping myself with useful skills and attitudes. And I hope that when I am truly tested, I can succeed and survive.
Soon I head off to a familiar place, yet it is different at the same time. I see the world with new eyes every morning, so I will embrace uncertainty and make the most of it. I am so excited for what awaits me, and I am overflowing with optimism that I will find the best possible ways to interact with my world.
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