Solitude by Necessity

...will keep the notes coming...

So I woke up this morning at 2:30am.  As I sifted through the lingering clouds of my (slightly) drunken stupor, I came upon a realization -  I needed some water.  I wasn't dying of thirst but I needed to quell the frustrated groans of my stomach.

Unfortunately, my brain turned on when my feet hit the floor.

"Oh yeah," said my stupid brain, slowly becoming aware of reality. "The trash needs to go out today."

Well I didn't want to do it at 6:30am so I did it then.  I managed to drag three large bins over the noisy gravel without waking that spaz of a canine...  Oreo.

Cool.  I successfully accomplished some menial tasks that needed doing.  Bedtime, right?  Nope.

So here I am, contemplating.  I suppose I am considering my needs.  What do I need to survive in this world?  Aside from the basic necessities - food, water, sleep, etc - I am becoming aware of "extraneous necessities" - things we only need because we have them.

To an extent, my needs are superfluous.  For example, I don't need music in my life but I wouldn't give that up now that I know and have it.  I can safely say that I would die from anguish if all music was knowingly removed from this world.  An unlikely scenario for we would just create music again. But was there an emptiness there in the first place that resulted in such a creation?

If they're not necessary for basic survival, why did they develop?  Is it some sort of free radical, or does this invention have some reason behind it?  Now people live for primarily the reason that we were born.  And with the curse of a consciousness we developed these passions, turning a simple existence into a pleasurable one.  But it's frustrating to think that we'd be just as content without all of these things if they never existed.  So there has to be some sort of emptiness that pushes humans to create.

I don't know if we'll ever know what that is.  I guess it's a feeling, but the concept eludes me.  It sucks when something is beyond awareness.

Changing vibrations, here.

It's a great thing to have friends in this world.  Is friendship solely a human concept?  We see it in animals but somehow feel the need to reduce it.  It's not the same.  They're not on the same level.  We don't see it as a meaningful friendship, but merely a mutually advantageous social situation.  So why must we be so hubristic?

Is it because I am trapped in this human form that I can't empathize with other creatures?  Sometimes I think I can see emotions on the face of my little dog.  Her actions even appear to be trivial; why does she keep barking at the door?  No one is there.  But then I consider that a lot of my actions are starting to seem trivial and stupid, as well.  It's too easy to be a hypocrite.

This post is starting to feel rather pointless, but I'm trying to be as introspective as possible and create a starting point for a new way of thinking.  Sometimes I have to give up in the end, but I always want to push the boundaries of my perceptions.

I also find it necessary to ponder this state - moments of loneliness and incompleteness.  It is a grand contrast.  Maybe if my awareness increases, I will find ways to more effectively fill the void.  It's like digging holes just to fill them up again.  But to what end?  My inevitable death.

Although this does not despair me.

So I am going to take.  And keep taking and creating.  Because I can take anything I want.  I am entitled to take all that I can possibly take and never be satiated.  And I know what makes me happy; it won't even affect anyone else when I keep taking it.  It's practically mine, already.

*Evil Laughter*

Ah crap it's 5am.